


The Only Heaven I'll Be Sent To Is When I'm Alone With You

by clauxx



Category: The Maze Runner (2014), The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: After The Maze, Angst, Before the Maze, Death Cure Spoilers, Depression, During The Maze, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Spoilers for the book series, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, The Scorch Trials Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-02-20 08:05:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2421284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clauxx/pseuds/clauxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He didn’t know when, how or where it happened.  Honestly, he didn’t even thing that there was a when, how and where when it came to them. He did not wake up one day and realised what was in front of him, he didn’t just stop in the middle of some activity because he just understood what was going on. No, it wasn’t like that."</p><p>Thomas and Newt knew each other before the Maze. They met again in the Maze. And they stuck together after it. But what exactly they meant for each other?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 14

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, this is NOT a spoiler free fanfic. If you have NOT read the books and don't want any spoilers, turn around right now because there will be spoilers. Major spoilers. If you don't want spoilers, stop right now because this note from here on contain spoilers.
> 
> Second, I have to say that I did not read The Kill Order yet, so something will probably be different than it is from canon.  
> Third, this is not 100% canon accurate. I mixed things from the first book and the movie and I am changing other things.  
> Last but not least, I am not changing the fact that Newt is not immune/dies, so there will be a death scene and there will be angst and for that I apologize in advance. But be aware that this is not a happy ever after fanfic.
> 
> The title is from Take Me To Church by Hozier.
> 
> I will add tag to this when I post new chapters. If you feel like I should tag something that is not tagged or that I tagged something wrong, please let me know.

He didn’t know when, how or where it happened.  Honestly, he didn’t even thing that there was a when, how and where when it came to them. He did not wake up one day and realised what was in front of him, he didn’t just stop in the middle of some activity because he just understood what was going on. No, it wasn’t like that. Not for him, at least. For him things happened gradually. The feelings and the connection were always there; it just grew bigger and more important with the years.

They were only kids when they met, maybe five or six years old, Thomas doesn’t really remember nor does he care. But he remembers that they hit it off right away and within five minutes they were already playing with the Legos they were given. And as they grew older, they also grew closer. They would help each other out with the problems the adults would handle them and Thomas would do whatever he was asked to –even if it was to try and talk to Teresa telepathically- if it meant he got a few more free hours to hang around Newt.

So really, it was no surprise to him when, after an exhausting day of trying to get a hold on the telepathically bullshit, Thomas found himself lying down on Newt’s bed alongside the blonde.

“I haven’t seen Alby in a few days, have you?” asked Newt after a few minutes of silence. Thomas remained silent, because he knew why they hadn’t seen Alby. He knew and he couldn’t tell anyone. He sighed before turning to look Newt.

“Can we just lay here and enjoy a little bit? My head hurts,” said Thomas, and he wasn’t really lying. His head did hurt, but because of all the training he had to do.

“What do they do to you when they take you away, Tommy? You always have a headache afterwards. Are they hurting you?” questioned the blonde and Thomas couldn’t help but smile at his best friend’s worry.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing. It just drains me,” replied Thomas. Newt kept watching him for a few more minutes before sighing and turning to his side so he could watch Thomas better.

“I know when you are hiding something from me,” said Newt and Thomas just stared at his friend. He really, really wanted to tell him everything. From the telepathy with Teresa, Aris and Rachel to the Maze, from the Flare to WICKED’s goal. He just wanted to spill it all out, but he knew he couldn’t.

“I need you to trust me on this one, Newt” said Thomas and when Newt didn’t answer him he turned to his side as well, staring into his eyes. “Please,” he begged.

“Okay,” was the whisper he got as an answer and Thomas closed his eyes leaning in to rest his forehead against Newt’s. This was something they did everyday and more often then not, one of them would eventually fall asleep. It was their way to comfort and reassure one another and it was something that no one could take away from them.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, just enjoying each other’s company and relying on the sense of security they had. When Thomas opened his eyes he saw that Newt had his closed and used the moment to study his friend’s face. Newt was gorgeous and Thomas was afraid he wouldn’t get to see this face this close for much more time.

It wasn’t really a conscious movement and when he realised he already had his lips against Newt’s and his eyes were already closed. It was just a chaste kiss, but it felt like something deeper. It spoke the thousand words Thomas couldn’t say and declared all the feelings he knew he always had had for his friend. This simple and innocent kiss was everything Thomas could offer Newt and yet it was so much more than that.

Newt never pulled away or opened his eyes or deepened the kiss; he just raised his hand and rested it on Thomas cheek. It was his way of saying that it was okay, that he wanted it too, that he felt the same and that he understood what Thomas was thinking. Because at the same time that he wanted to open his mouth and deepen the kiss, he was more than happy to just lay there like they were.

It felt like minutes had passes to both of them, but in reality it only took a couple of seconds before they were pulling away and staring at each other, a small smile playing on their lips and a warmth dancing around their hearts.

They were just kids, they knew it, but right now they couldn’t care less about it. What mattered was that they both felt the same, they both wanted the same and they were together –not for long, a voice reminded Thomas-.

Thomas couldn’t bring himself to care that he was supposed to be with Teresa, Aris and Rachel running the operation to find the cure that would save a lot of lives. He couldn’t care that he was supposed to be learning how to talk into their minds or that he should be out there watching over Alby on the Glade.

Right now, all that mattered was that he was in Newt’s arms and since he was aware he wouldn’t have Newt like this forever, he just couldn’t pass the opportunity.

He locked eyes with his best friend and both on them understood what the other wanted. They leaned forward together this time, mouths meeting halfway and opening to allows access. They kissed for a long time, and neither cared about long it was, all they cared was their closeness and how it felt good and right.

When they pulled apart Thomas smiled, because this? This was a good thing. And it was something he was doing because we wanted to, because he felt like doing it. It was something beautiful.

Newt laughed out loud. His laugh was happy and carefree and Thomas was mesmerized by it. Everything about it was Newt and just Newt and he was happy and a little bit overwhelmed if he was going to be honest. Because this? This was Tommy being his. His best friend, his lover and things couldn’t get much better than that.


	2. 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to my new beta [Katy](http://akeiru.tumblr.com/)

Thomas had left early that morning because he had something to do with the girls or something. Newt wasn’t really paying attention to what his boyfriend was saying. He just wanted to go back to sleep, preferably with Thomas to cuddle with.

“I’ll be back later,”whispered Thomas before kissing him goodbye.

“I’ll miss you,”replied Newt smiling sleepily at his boyfriend and went back to sleep to the sound of Tommy’s laugh.

Newt woke up a few hours later to noises outside his bedroom, there was arguing but he couldn’t make out what they were saying or who it was. His mind was still a bit numbed with sleep and he just wanted people to move their arguing somewhere else.

Suddenly everything went quiet and Newt was already thanking whatever kind of God there is for it when the arguing turned into shouts and screams and heel broke loose.

Because Thomas was the one who was shouting. He was shouting at someone about _him_ and Newt was out of bed and opening the door in a second. On the other side stood Thomas and Teresa faces red and hardened and a guy he didn’t recognize who was just standing there and watching his two friends argue.

“What in the bloody hell in going on, mate?”asked Newt and both Thomas and Teresa turned to look at him as if they just realised where they were standing.

“Noth-“

“Thomas is being an asshole,”answered Teresa and Newt raised his eyebrows in question.

“It’s nothing. I just don’t agree with what they want to do. Go back to bed, I’ll be there in a few minutes,”said Thomas. His voice was filled with anger and bitterness, something Newt had never seen happen before.

“Don’t bloody lie to me, Tommy, you know that isn’t going to work on me,”complained Newt and Thomas looked pained for a second before he recollected himself.

“Please, Newt, just go back,”begged Thomas, he looked so tired of fighting that Newt just nodded before turning around. He couldn’t say that it was okay, because it wasn’t. Thomas was hiding something, and Newt understood that there was some things that Thomas couldn’t talk about, but he was getting too worked up and it was affecting him way more than it used to. Newt was worried and he just wanted his best friend back. _His_ Thomas.

It only took a few more minutes before the door to his bedroom was opened, but instead of Thomas the people who walked in were unknown to him and were wearing the same white clothes the guy in the hallway was. Probably someone who worked for WICKED.

Newt never understood the name. As far as he knew WICKED cured diseases and saved people’s life. And naming a medicine company as WICKED just sounded weird. But he was a kid and was not going to argue with the grown-ups. It was not his place.

“C’mon, we have a tight schedule today and we can’t be late,”said the guy and Newt just nodded following him out of the room, he learned a long time ago not to ask questions. The hallway was empty, no sign of Teresa, the guy or Thomas. For a second he wondered where they were, but the push on his shoulder distracted him.

They passed the dorms and the rooms where he usually was taken to in order to keep up his studies, or report which problem he were able to solve or which ones he were not, and went through a door leading to a different set of hallways he had never been before.

Left, right, right, left, left, right. Newt tried to keep up with the turns just in case, but there were too many and he couldn’t remember if the first was left or right. He was growing restless and a dread feeling started to creep up on him. He just wanted to turn around and go back to his room to wait for Thomas, but the hand on his should kept him from running back.

After what felt like ages of walking and turns, they arrived at something resembling an operating room and Newt just wished he had put up a fight when these guys came to get him because the scenario in his head went from bad to absolutely terrifying in a span of seconds.

He turned around to ask where they were and what they were doing there when a door opened on the other side of the room and an angry Thomas walked in and Newt just wanted to sigh in relief. If Thomas were there, then things would be okay. Even though Thomas was red with anger.

“I said no,”said Thomas and his voice was low but sharp and Newt was thankful that he was not on the other end of Thomas’anger right now.

“And we said that it’s not up to you,”came the reply. Newt turned looking for the voice that spoke and found the guy from the hallway coming from a completely different door. How many entrances had this room?

“You’re not taking-,”Thomas started to say but was cut short by the other guy.

“I am simply following your own orders, Thomas.”

“Yes, my orders. You follow my orders and I am saying no,”shouted Thomas and if Newt thought Thomas was angry before it was nothing compared to how livid he was now.

“What in the bloody hell is going on, Tommy? What are they talking about? What orders?”asked Newt, because he couldn’t for the life of him grasp at what they were talking about. And Thomas turned around to look at him, and for a second Newt could swear he saw pain in his eyes before Thomas sorted his feelings.

“You should go back to your room, I’ll explain it to you later,”his voice was soft and all the anger gone, but Newt could see right through it and he was not buying this bullshit.

“No, you’re not doing this again. I won’t move until you explain me what is going on,”said Newt, his patience wearing thin. How stupid did Thomas think he was?

“Newt, please, just-“once again Thomas was interrupted before he could finish his sentence.

“Thomas, just stop being difficult already,”Teresa, who so far had been silently watching them, spoke from her place beside one of the hospital beds in the room.

“You two, bloody spill it already,”complained Newt, getting more and more restless the longer Thomas stayed silent.

“We run WICKED,”said Teresa before Thomas could even begin to talk and the betrayed look he shot her was nothing compared to the fearful one Newt was faced with.

“You what?”asked Newt, his voice dry and heart beating rapidly.

“Aris, Rachel, Thomas and I. We run WICKED. We give the orders. We have been running the operation for three years now.”Explained Teresa and Newt just couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Because, honestly, who would?

“And how in the bloody hell did four 12 year’s old managed to be the head of a pharmaceutics company?”he asked and one of the guys started laughing muttering ‘this is gold’under his breath.

“How come you have been best friends –and more, might I add- with Thomas and still think we are a simply pharmaceutics company, Newt?”the guy from the hallway asked him and Newt was so pissed off because that was so not the point.

“You didn’t answer my question,”pointed out Newt, his eyes locked with Thomas who had been shocked into silence.

“I-I-I’m sorry,”muttered Thomas. He simply didn’t have words to offer. Not the ones Newt wanted anyway.

“For fuck’s sake, Thomas. Man up.”Complained Teresa and Thomas nearly lost it. He took a few deep breaths before looking at Newt again.

“To keep it simple: the world is ending, there is a terrible disease killing everyone and WICKED’s goal is to find a cure and stop it. All our parents are dead, we have been raised here because we are probably the only ones who can find the cure. Our brains are the key to finding the cure. They have been studying us all this years,”Thomas, somehow, managed to say it in only one breathe and Newt wanted to laugh.

“How bloody stupid do you think I am, Tommy? I figured we were being studied. It doesn’t really answer me question, though.”

“The four of us have always been aware of it all, every single plan, every step, every trial. We have been doing different things then the rest of you. Because there’s something different about our brains, something they have been aware of ever since they found us. And they have been training us to take over WICKED when needed, and it happened three years ago. But it’s not like it seems. It is not just the four of us, there are more people and it is a lot more complicated than what they are making it look like,”Thomas explained and Newt just stared at him. He just stared at this _person_ in front of him. Because this was the real Thomas, wasn’t it? The guy he has been in love with ever since he could remember was not the same as the one standing right in front of him.

“So you do know where Alby and Minho are?”was all Newt could say, Because if Thomas was aware of everything that happened, then he knew what had happened with his best friends.

“Newt-,”

“Just bloody answer me, Tommy. Are they even alive?”shouted Newt, finally losing patience with it all.

“Yes, they are”, replied Thomas.

“And soon enough you’ll be with them,”the guy from the highway offered, making Newt turn to look at him.

“No, he is not,”said Thomas, his voice firm for the first time since he started talking again.

“Now you want to keep me away from my friends, Thomas?”Newt asked, arms crosses against his chest and Thomas just wanted this day to be over already.

“It really isn’t up to you, Tom. We all decided on it. Together. We all decided to was going to go through the trials and who was not. You can’t change it just because you fucking fell in love with one of the subjects,”Teresa said and it was like a knife through Newt chest because he was nothing more than just a _subject_ to them.

“Wow,”was all he could say and when his eyes met Thomas’he could see realization hitting his boyfriend (was he really his boyfriend or was it just part of the _trials_?).

“It’s not like that Newt, you’re not just a subject. You’re my best friend and I love you. Please, believe me,”begged Thomas, his voice desperate to make Newt believe and understand. And he wanted to believe, he wanted it so much that it hurt.

“What is this trial?”Newt asked, turning his back to Thomas because if he kept looking at him, his resolve would crumble and he would just forget this.

“It’s a maze. You will be sent there with the others, there are 47 guys there already. Your mission is to find a way out. But you won’t remember anything except for your name. You won’t remember how you got there or that this is a trial. You won’t remember any of us. The only thing you’ll be able to remember is your name. And that is the only reason I’m telling you this. Because no matter what, in a few hours you’ll wake and won’t know any of this,”Teresa explained and it sounded terrifying, but Newt knew, deep down, that there was no way out of this one. He took a deep breath before turning around again and looking at Thomas.

“If you ever loved me, you’ll find a way to make this right,”Newt said, eyes locked with his boyfriend.

“I’ll get you out of there, I promise,”said Thomas and Newt, deep down, knew that Thomas was not going to let him down. Even though he was hurting right now, Newt trusted Thomas.

They stared at each other for a few more minutes before Newt turned around again and walked straight to Teresa and the bed. His heart was beating insanely fast and it was breaking in a million pieces, because even though he trusted Tommy to do the right thing, he knew he had just said goodbye to the person he loved the most.

When Newt laid down on the bed he realized Thomas was by his side and he smiled up at his best friend because he couldn’t be mad at him. Not now, at least.

Newt felt consciousness sleeping away and he looked into Thomas eyes one last time before he closed his and let sleep take over him. From afar he could hear someone talking to him.

“I love you, don’t forget that. Don’t forget that I will always love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I am two days late, but here it is a new chapter. I hope you guys like it and don't hate me too much!  
> If you see anything wrong, let me know.  
> I will try and post the next chapter as soon as possible, but this week is a little bit crazy and I will be traveling on the weekend. So I probably won't be posting for a week or so.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at [clauxx](http://clauxx.tumblr.com/)


	3. 15

Thomas watched silently as Newt rose to consciousness inside that damn box. Teresa had tried to talk to him after they sent Newt up the box, but he just ignored her. He had nothing to talk to her –or anyone- about.

He watched as Newt laid there, a million different expressions on his face letting Thomas know how confused he was. And then he started panicking and Thomas’ heart clenched. Newt was in panic and there was nothing he could do to help calm his lover down. He was, actually, to blame for Newt’s current situation.

When the elevator came to a stop and Alby was the one to open the top, Newt looked at him lost. Newt didn’t know how he was looking at and that made Thomas turn his back to screen.

_“I haven’t seen Alby in a few days, have you?”_

_“I haven’t seen Alby in a few days, have you?”_

_“I haven’t seen Alby in a few days, have you?”_

The words echoed in Thomas head. Over and over and over again. He wanted out. He didn’t want to watch this. To watch Newt break apart and not be able to help him out. Most of all, he didn’t want to watch this because Newt’s eyes were terrified and in pain, and it was his entire fault.

 

* * *

 

 

When he came to consciousness he couldn’t see much. It was dark and he could hear metallic noises. Everything was quiet and dark for a second and he wondered if he had died. He couldn’t shake of the feeling that something was wrong and missing, but he couldn’t remember what or why. He couldn’t remember anything, to be honest. The only thing he could think of was _Newt_.

_Newt._ _Newt._ _Newt._

It sounded weird and he couldn’t really understand what it meant.

It took him a while to catch up to the fact that he was inside something in movement, and that it kept going up and up and not even though the ceiling was coming closer, the velocity wasn’t going down.

It became harder to breathe and his heart started beating crazily and that was when he realised that this was not a dream or post-life. This was real. This was happening. _Newt. Newt. Newt._ His name was Newt.

The ceiling was getting closer and closer and Newt was sure he was going to crash into it when it came to a sudden halt. From far away he could hear a siren and after a few second a bright light.

 

* * *

 

Thomas left a little bit after Alby and Minho helped Newt out of the box and introduced themselves. Jason tried to stop him from leaving, saying that he should be present for major events like someone arriving at the Glade. That he needed to see everyone’s reactions and help compute it. One look, though, was enough for Jason to let it go and not reach out for him when he opened the door again.

Thomas entered the room he had started to call his. The bed was still unmade and a few of his and Newt’s clothes were on the chair beside it, and the sight made his heart clench. Newt was never going to put those clothes again and Thomas is actually surprised that they are still here. Usually, by the time the person is sent to the Glade, their room is cleaned up and every single one of their belongings taken to either be given away or burnt down.

The door behind him shut down and he turned around long enough to lock it before he was crossing the room and sitting down on the bed where he had left a sleeping Newt to go prepare the process to send another person up to the glade. Newt wasn’t supposed to go today. Newt wasn’t supposed to go for at least another year. But everyone else thought that they should send him now because of the friendship he had had with both Alby and Minho. Thomas argued that they shouldn’t change their schedule and that they should stick to it. But he was alone in trying to keep Newt here.

Thomas reached out for the t-shirt Newt was wearing the day before and brought it close to his chest as he laid down on the bed. Newt’s scent still on the pillow he was now laying his head on. Thomas closed his eyes and let sleep wash through him. He didn’t care that he was supposed to be with the rest of the team watching over the people who had been sent to the Glade and probably letting Rachel know that tomorrow they would be sending another girl up too. He just wanted to be left alone.

 

* * *

 

Alby had managed to calm Newt down once he had taken the boy out of the box and right now the thing that was scaring Newt the most was that he couldn’t remember anything but his name. There were around 15 boys there and all of them reassure him that it was normal. It happened to all of them. They would come up from the box and wouldn’t remember anything but their name. But life moved on and they started to make new memories and just keep on living. But Newt couldn’t help and feel like something was missing, something important.

Now, he was laying down on the sheets that these boys called a bed and he let every single thought he had fly by in hope that he would remember something, anything.

Soon enough he fell into a restless sleep, full of brown eyes, screams and meaningless shouts. He woke up sweating and more tired than when he went to sleep the day before.

The sun was slowly rising and he saw Minho –the Asian guy who had helped him out the day before- and another guy who didn’t know the name approach the doors that were opening and wondered what the hell they were doing. He was new there, but he understood pretty well that they were not supposed to leave the glade.

He stood up and took a few steps in their direction when Alby appeared out of nowhere.

“Awake already?” asked the taller boy.

“Couldn’t keep up with the dreams,” answered Newt, still looking at the two boys who were talking close to the door “what are they up to?” asked he.

“They are looking for a way out,” said Alby and Newt couldn’t help but look again when he heard the noise from the doors opening. Both of the boys readied themselves before taking off into a run and disappearing behind the doors.

“Did they found anything, yet?” asked Newt, now walking side by side with Alby, who smiled down at him.

“No, not really. But they will,” and Newt believe it when he said that, because he was so sure and so trustworthy that there was a way out of this, whatever this was.

“So, how can I help?” asked Newt making the older boy laugh and Newt didn’t stop the smile that spread his face, because things could be a lot worst than they were. At least, Alby was a nice person to be around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so so sorry for how long it's been since I last updated this fic. My life is a little bit crazy right now and I didn't have time/creativity to write.
> 
> I literally just finished writing the chapter, so it is not beta'd yet, I am sorry for any and all mistakes.
> 
> Now, about the chapter, I have to tell that I ship pretty much everything in TMR, so chances are there will be some underlying Newt/Alby, Newt/Minho, Minho/Thomas in the next few chapters, but the main ship is Newt/Thomas and I don't pretend to change that.
> 
> This is my last month of class, and then I will be on vacation for at least two months and I hope to get more written down there. So, I can't promise when I will post another chapter, but I hope it will be soon enough.
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr if you want. And let me know what you are thinking of this.


	4. 15 1/2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so, so sorry that it took me this long to update this fic. But I had a few problems (end of university semester, christmas and new year, my computer breaking) and on top of all that I had an author's block for this fic. Like, I know where I want to go with this, but I couldn't put in down on the paper.  
> So, I'm really sorry it took me months to give you an update, I hope I can bring the next one soon enough, but I can't promise you a date.
> 
> What I can promise you though is that I am not going to abandon this fic, not matter what.  
> Hope you enjoy this update.

For the first week Newt was in the maze, Thomas refused to watch him. He would busy himself with any other kind of work he could and when he inevitably had to watch the maze, he’d look away as soon as he spotted Newt’s blond hair.

That changed when the second week came, and he became even more obsessed with Newt. He would spend as much time as he could watching the blonde, he would watch him work, eat and even sleep.

Thomas watched as Newt became acquainted with the Maze and the other guys. He watched as Newt gained their trust and became the guy they went to when they had problems. Thomas watched as Newt became second in command, only behind Alby –who had been the first one to arrive at the glade-. Thomas watched as Newt became closer and closer to Alby and Minho. He watched as Newt became a runner.

Thomas spent so much time watching Newt that soon enough Teresa started to force him away from the screens, and they would talk about everything. They would talk about the trials, and the telepathy. They would talk about their friends, and Teresa would let him talk about Newt and how much he missed him. She would let him talk about her and Brenda and make her blush every time he said she should just go for it already.

Their friendship grew from there, making them even closer than before and therefore easier for them to use the telepathy. Jason was happy enough to let them built on their friendship. Anything that could take Thomas’ mind away from Newt was welcome.

They would spend night after night gossiping about everyone in WICKED, discussing Newt and Brenda in whispers. Every once in a while one of them would doubt what they were doing and the other would be there to bring them back from their doubts.

Aris and Rachel were best friends, but not as closer as Teresa and Thomas had become. What they now shared was almost a sibling bond.

When one night Teresa found Thomas –once again- staring at a monitor she sighed before stalking towards him to make him go to bed. When she got closer, though, she realised that not only the monitor was black, but Thomas had his eyes closed, face tear stained.

“He doesn’t love me anymore”, Thomas said, voice barely audible to Teresa. The pain, though, was loud to her ears.

“Tom, that is not true. You know it”, she said sitting down beside him. “He doesn’t remember you, or what you two had. But he still feels it. The love you shared can not be erased that easily”.

“He has moved on”, Thomas bit back.

“He can’t move on from someone he doesn’t remember”, Teresa remembered him and Thomas, finally, turned to look at him, his eyes betraying all the anger and hurt he was feeling, even though his face was blank.

“Fine, he has fallen in love with another person. Happy?” he exclaimed, and Teresa was shocked to see how much Thomas really was hurting.

“What do you mean, Tom? Whom could he possibly fall in love with?” she asked, not knowing if she should reach for him.

“Alby. He’s in love with Alby”, Thomas answered, turning to monitor once again and turning it on.

On the screen an image of Newt and Alby sharing the same bed. The blond curled up around the older one. To someone who didn’t know them, it sure looked like they were a couple and Teresa could understand where Thomas was coming from. He was not seeing things from a rational point of view, what he saw was his boyfriend in bed with someone else. But all she could see was Alby, being the leader that she knew he was, trying to comfort Newt

Thomas could not look to the monitor, and that alone was enough for Teresa to turn it off and turn his chair so he they were face to face.

“Look at me Tom”, she asked and after a few minutes Thomas sighed and gave up “Newt loves you. He has loved you for years. Right now he doesn’t remember who you are, and he is scared. He is scared because he loves someone he doesn’t remember, he loves someone he doesn’t know if is alive or not. And Alby is behaving the way we predicted he would; he is taking care of Newt because that’s how Alby works, ok?” Teresa said and Thomas nodded, not really accepting it.

“It’s… harder than I thought it would be”, he whispered, afraid that his voice might break.

“Your reaction is completely normal, Tom. Give yourself time to adjust not having him around you. And it’s temporary, you’ll be together soon enough”, she remembered him.

“What if we don’t get to see each other? What if he can’t remember me when we do? What if I lost him that day?” Thomas asks, this time his voice does break and Teresa has to take a deep breath in order not to launch herself at him to offer comfort.

“That line of thought can not lead to something good. Don’t think like that, Tom. Think about what you two shared and how amazing it will be when you are reunited”, she said.

“And remember that the only thing keeping you two apart is the cure”, a voice cut through their little bubble and startled both of them. Standing on the door was Jason and his face was not pleased.

“I know that”, Thomas replied. He really didn’t have time for that guy right now.

“You two should be in bed. We have an early start tomorrow”, Jason remembered them and Thomas was so fucking done with him already.

“What time I go to bed is none of your business”, Thomas said standing up, but Teresa grabbed his arm before he could start walking.

“Let’s go, Tom, this is not worth it”, she said.

“Yeah, _Tommy_ , listen to her”, Jason said and before Teresa could hold Thomas, he was already on Jason.

“Don’t you fucking call me that or I will kill you. Don’t try me”, he said, holding Jason’s neck and cutting off his breathing.

“Thomas, he is not worth it. C’mon, let him go. Newt wouldn’t want you doing something stupid, not when we’re so close to getting our answer.” Teresa pleaded.

Slowly, Thomas let go of Jason and turned his back on both of them. As much as Teresa would like to make sure her friend is okay, she didn’t follow him. Thomas needed his space right now and she was going to give it to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can always find me on Tumblr [here](http://www.clauxx.tumblr.com).


	5. 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt.

_“Do you really have to go?” Newt asked, turning his head to look straight into the other person’s eyes, brown honeyed eyes that Newt felt himself drowning into. He really wished that they could spend all day in bed, not worrying about all the tasks they had to do for the day._

_“You know I do, Newt”, they answered and Newt sighed. “I wish I could stay in here with you, but we both know that we can’t. It’s better if we just go, the sooner we leave, the sooner we’ll be back together”, they said and Newt knew they were right. He knew that, but he was just so comfortable and happy that he didn’t want to give that up._

_“Just a few more minutes, please”, he said and his companion nodded. Newt smiled at them before leaning in for a kiss. It was sweet and passionate. It was everything a kiss was supposed to be. They kissed with the experience that only years of practice could have led them to, yet it tasted like it was their first time kissing._

_This was one of the best things about them. Even though they were together for a while, it still felt like new. It still felt like the first time._

_Newt broke the kiss, smiling at his partner, who reflected his smile with the same amount of joy. Newt knew he loved this person, and that they loved him back._

_Sighing, Newt rested his head against their should and let peace wash through him. Soon a loud screeching interrupted him._

Newt jumped out of his makeshift bed, looking for the source of the noise, only to find out the first rays of light coming from the sky and the door to the glade opening.

He looked around, realising that most of the guys were still asleep. Besides him, only Alby, Frypan and the runners were up. Silently, he left the dorm area and met with the others, who were by the kitchen. Minho was just finishing his breakfast while Alby talked to him about something. Frypan was cooking something that smelled delicious. _Bacon_ , his brain offered him.

It was weird how only now Newt realised what that was. They never really named food, unless one of them remembered the name or it had too many ingredients.

Newt would never get over how his brain would supply some words and fact from before the glade, but never anything important. Like, for example, the name, face or voice of the person he had been constantly dreaming about in the last year. Whoever they were, they were important to Newt and it was painful not to remember who they were.

This dreams had caused Newt to grow closed to Alby, who felt like he needed to care for the younger boy. There were nights that the dreams were too real and Newt didn’t know how to deal with them, and Alby would come to his aid. They would lay in bed together, with Alby reassuring him that he was okay, that he was going to see this person again, that they would get out the glade, get their memories back and Newt could be happy with this person.

Alby would hold him close until the sobs stopped and Newt fell asleep. He them would stay close the whole night, making sure the younger got a good night of sleep.

“Morning”, Newt said sitting down at the table, across from Minho.

“Morning” Minho replied, before shoving another piece of bacon in his mouth.

“How did you sleep?” Alby asked from beside Minho, the food before him already gone.

“Had some bloody dreams about who-knows-who, but it’s fine”, he answered and Minho looked up from his food.

“You know, maybe you could try drawing their face. Maybe one of us can recognize them, or maybe if they are a boy, they are going to be sent here”, Minho supplied.

“If I could see their faces, maybe. All I can clearly see is their eyes. I already have it glued to my mind the colours of their eyes, and the million different ways it shines depending on the light”, Newt replied and Mino and Alby couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’ve got it bad, you shank”, Alby commented.

“Yeah, let’s hope that whoever they are got it bad too, uh?” he said, accepting the plate of newly fried bacon Frypan was offering him.

“So, Alby and I were discussing that we could use a new runner”, Minho commented and Newt heart skipped a beat.

“Yeah, and I think you would be great at that. What do you say?” Alby asked and Newt nodded.

“Yeah, it could work. I mean, I’d do anything to leave this piece of crap place.” Newt answered.

“Perfect! We can start your training today”, Minho said.

 

___________________

 

_Newt was lying in his bed, the spot beside him had gone cold a while ago, but he didn’t bother move. His hands were clutching a white t-shirt, which he knew belonged to his lover._

_It took him another 10 minutes before leaving bed and getting ready for the day. He slowly made his way to the bathroom across his bedroom, and took a long shower. He wasn’t sure if he could take so much time, but so far no one was rushing him and we would enjoy that._

_When he left the shower to go change, his eyes caught his reflection on the mirror and he couldn’t avoid smiling to himself. Behind him was the person who could make the time stop for him._

_“Newt, we have to go”, they said and Newt only nodded, finishing to dry himself._

_“I only have to change, ‘gimme a minute”, he answered smiling at them. Those honey brown eyes shined back at him and Newt couldn’t want anything else in that moment. He was happy, and the moment was perfect._

Newt slowly opened his eyes; the sky was dark outside the cabin he shared with the other gladers. Silently, he left the cabin and started walking around the glade. His chest clenching, all he wanted was to know who they were, where they met, if they were on a relationship, if they missed him, if they wondered what happened to him, if they knew what happened to him.

Newt was tired. He just wanted answers. Answers about what was this place, how to leave it, if there was a way to leave it, if he could ever be happy again.

He wanted to know if his dreams were just dreams, or if they were memories. Newt wanted to know if he could feel complete once again.

And don’t get him wrong, he loved Alby and Minho, they were like brothers to him. He really did, and he enjoyed the time he spent on the Maze with Minho. They did their job, but they had fun while doing it. They often joked and played with each other. And Newt could see them living their whole lives there. He knew it was a possibility, and he could see it happening and how the others would adapt to it.

But he couldn’t. He could not live the rest of his life without knowing who this person he constantly dreamed about was. He couldn’t live his life running through the maze every day and spending every night praying not to dreams with anything.

Newt just couldn’t deal with any of that anymore. He was tired, and he just wanted out. He wants a dreamless sleep, for one night only.

As the day rose, Newt realised that he was close to the woods, and he sat there waiting for the other runners and Alby. Soon enough the smell of Frypan’s cooking reached him, but he wasn’t hungry, neither did he want to leave the spot.

“Hey shank, let’s eat. We’ve got a busy day ahead of us”, Minho said, getting closer to him.

“I’m not feeling good. I think I might be getting something”, Newt lied. As much as he liked Minho, he didn’t feel like running aimlessly through the maze today.

“Do you want me to get Clint or Jeff?” he asked and Newt nodded, even though he knew that there was nothing the med-jacks could do for him. They couldn’t get him out of there. “I’ll be back in a second”, Minho said and Newt simply closed his eyes. He wished he could fall asleep and never wake up again.

 

___________________

 

Newt was bone tired when he reached the glade. He had been running on his own, because Minho decided to take another route that day and run with one of the other runners. That meant that the day dragged a lot longer than usual. And Newt was just done with everything.

He couldn’t take it anymore. He just wanted this fucking day to end already. Or better yet, this stupid bloody semi-life they were living to end.

He thought about it, about jumping off the cliff or letting a griever get to him. But then Minho would blame himself. Would blame himself for letting Newt go on his own for the day, for not being there. And Newt couldn’t do that to his best friend.

So Newt waited. He waited until he got to the glade, until he let people see that he got back and alive. He even talked to a few of them, ate a little bit and drank a lot of water.

After that he walked to one of the doors, and sat there, waiting for the right moment to slip through them. It was not an easy thing to do, since there were a lot of gladers around, but he found a moment and went out. It was almost sundown time when he climbed the walls, to the highest point it was possible and then he waited there for a little bit more.

It was incredible how calm he was, how simple it all looked. He thought he would be desperate, that something in the back of his mind would be begging him not to do it. But his mind was blank, and he felt at ease. It felt right, and that, more than anything, more than the grievers or not remembering his life, was what made him afraid.

His chest was still clenching, because he knew that once he jumped off, there was no way he would be able to get out of the maze, or meet again that one person. He let a tear run down his face.

“ _I’m sorry, Tommy”,_ he thought to himself. “ _I’m so sorry. But I can’t take it anymore. I hope you still love me”_. He thought about this over and over again and when he heard the first noise of the walls closing, he let him body fall forward.

There was no slow motion, or moment to regret what he did. His body hit the ground and he barely had the time to acknowledge the pain or his own voice before everything went dark.

 

___________________

 

Thomas had a headache by the time he got to the control room. He had spent the whole day practicing with Teresa, but he couldn’t concentrate. His mind was in the maze, with Newt.

He was constantly worried now. Actually he was worried since the first time he heard Alby saying that they should make Newt a runner, because ‘ _he needs to take his minds of these dreams. Let’s put him to do something that will keep occupied_ ’. And Thomas hated that Alby was right. Newt needed a distraction, from whatever it was that he was dreaming about.

Thomas knew that somewhere, WICKED had files about that, but he was too afraid to look at them. He didn’t want to know what Newt was dreaming about, because there was a chance that it was not good and that it was Thomas fault.

“You’re finally here”, Aris voice cut through his thoughts and Thomas glanced at him. “Rachel and I think there is something wrong with subject A5. He went into the maze alone today and spend a lot of time at the cliff”, he said and Thomas nodded. He would never get used to people referring to Newt as ‘subject A5’, but after a time he gave up on trying to make them use his name.

“I’ll keep watch. You two can go. Teresa is going to get here soon”, he said and Aris agreed. Rachel stayed a while longer, wanting to make sure it was all right.

“You can go, Rach. I’ll be fine. If I need anything, I’ll let you guys know”, he promised her and after a few seconds she agreed.

“You scream for us, no matter how late it is, okay? If you need, let me know. Please”, she said before leaving the room. It was the first time that day since he woke up that Thomas was alone.

He turned to the flat screen before him and looked through until he found Newt. He was sitting beside the doors of the glade, and Thomas leaned back to watch him. A few seconds later Teresa came through the door and silently sat before her screen, across from him.

Watching Newt was relaxing. Seeing that he was alive, breathing calmed Thomas down and he slowly feel asleep, only to be woken by Newt painful scream.

When Thomas looked to the screen, his heart skipped a beat. There, on the ground, was Newt’s limp body. He was not moving and Thomas could see blood around his leg.

His stopped breathing when he realised that the doors had started closing and tears started to falls, because he knew that if Newt wasn’t already dead, he would be when the doors closed.

From far away he could hear someone saying his names and hands touching his arms, but he couldn’t take his eyes off Newt’s body on the screen.

He wanted to scream and cry and hurt someone, but all he could do was watch blood pooling around the love of his life.

After what seemed like hours to Thomas, but was only seconds in real life, he saw movement from the corner of the screen and Alby appeared with Clint, Jeff and Minho. They’re talking; one over the other, but Thomas couldn’t understand it. The ringing on his ears was too loud.

In a matter of minutes they had dragged Newt to the glade and saw to his injuries. He was alive, but his leg was a mess and Thomas couldn’t help but feel relieved.

Newt was alive, and that was all that mattered at that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, new chapter for you guys.
> 
> Let me know what you thought and a warning for the next chapters: I am going to chance somethings, like for example their ages and how long between one thing and the other.
> 
> You guys can find me on Tumblr as usual.


	6. 17

It took Thomas nearly six months to get everything in order for him to go to the glade. Teresa was pissed off beyond reason, and they had had screaming fights almost daily for the past week. Right now was not different

“This is ridiculous. There is no need for you to even go there. You’re just being a stubborn asshole. Newt is fine.” She screamed closing the door to the control room behind her. Jason had told them to get the hell out of there if all they were going to do as fight.

“This has nothing to do with him”, he lied, matching her tone. “We are doing this for almost three years and we didn’t achieve anything. It is time to try something different,” he said, for the millionth time. He was tired of this argument. Even if he knew that she had a valid point.

“You’re so selfish. This is annoying”, she said, turning her back to him and taking deep breaths. She had tried her best to be there for him, because she knew that he needed her. But it had been two years. Two years since they sent Newt to the glade, and Thomas was still as selfish and annoying as he had been the day it had happened.

“You’re one to talk. As if we don’t both know that the whole reason you don’t want to do this is because of Brenda”, Thomas said and he knew that was a low blow, but he didn’t care. Not right now, anyway. Right now Teresa was the only thing stopping him from seeing Newt again. And he was not allowing it.

“Wow Thomas, and I thought I was your best friend. That was shitty, even for you”, Teresa said, turning to stare at him again. “But, okay. Go ahead. Go up there, fuck your life. See if I care. You’re not ready, I am not ready, no one is ready. This is just going to mess everything up”, she said. And Thomas knew she was right, but he couldn’t care.

“I am ready, Teresa. I have been ready for the last six months. You’re not going to stop me”, he said and she sighed. Why did he have to be so stubborn?

“I am not going to stop you, Thomas. But I am going to let you know this: if anything goes wrong, during any part of the next few months, during any trial, this is one hundred per cent on you. Any death, during any trials and outside this organization, is on you. If anything goes wrong, it is on you. The three years wasted if anything goes wrong, are on you. Are you sure you can deal with that?” Teresa asked, and as much as she hated to say it, she knew that was true. They were not ready for this part of the trials. They should wait another year, and doing it right now, could risk everything.

Thomas knew that as well, he knew how much they were risking, how many lives on depending on this going right. But he didn’t think they would be anymore ready in a year or two years. They were as ready as they could ever be. If he had rushed his own preparations to make that happen, it was his problem only.

“Their bloods are already on our hands. Everything death since the beginning of this trials is already on us, we already caused it. There is no changing that. And people are going to keep on dying. It’s not going to be different in a year, and you know that. Be honest, Teresa, we probably already fucked everything up. We are already fucked up. So what if my decision has a lot to do with what happened to Newt, we would still need to do it, and we would be in the same situation as we are now”, he replied. This was the first time in a long time that they were able to actually talk it through.

“If you’re sure,” Teresa said before eyeing him one more time before going back to the control room. Thomas took a deep breath before leaning on the wall behind him. Today was the last day he would remember who he was, who Newt was. And as scary as that thought was, he rather not remember Newt but be there beside him than not being able to touch Newt at all.

 

___________________

 

The first thing he became aware of was that his name was Thomas. The second one was that his head was killing him and the screeching noise was not helping at all. Slowly, Thomas opened his eyes to be met with darkness. He blinked a few times trying to get used to how dark it was and only them did he realise that the space where he was, was moving.

Thomas closed his eyes again, willing the headache to go away. He didn’t bother trying to find out where he was, knowing deep down that there was no way he could escape, even more so with his head pounding like it was about to explode.

It only took a few minutes, but suddenly the box, elevator, cage, whatever it was, came to a halt and before Thomas could stand up to inspect anything, the ceiling opened and he missed the darkness from before. There was so much light that his first reaction was to curl in on himself trying to block it. From somewhere he could hear some voices, none that he recognized, saying things to him that he was no able to understand. _Is it a different language?_ Thomas thought, but soon enough he heard a loud bang beside him and he raised his head to meet with a blond haired guy.

“Hello greenie, name is Newt and we really have to get you outta here. Come”, the guy, Newt, said and Thomas only nodded his head, regretting it a moment later when the pain intensified. “Are you okay?” the blonde asked, voice a little bit worried.

“Headache”, Thomas replied before letting himself be helped by Newt and some other guy.

“That’s new”, the other guy helping him said and Thomas wondered what exactly was new.

“We should lie him down, Alby”, the blonde one said, and only now did Thomas noticed the British accent he had. Where was he?

 

 

___________________

As soon as the box noise filled the glade, Newt started walking towards it. The day had been boring. His leg was hurting a lot more than usual and he couldn’t stand up long enough to actually help around the glade. So, he had been on supervision duty, and that meant the box too.

Even though Alby and a few of the others reached the box first, Newt was the one to go in there and help the greenie out. The guy looked like a cat curled around himself and Newt couldn’t help but laugh to himself.

He remember pretty vividly when he, himself, arrived at the glade, how he had first thought that he had died and then panicked thinking that he would die in a few seconds because the box wasn’t stopping. He really couldn’t blame the guy for his reaction.

When he finally got the guy to raise his head, though, he felt like all the air had been knocked out of him, because the greenie’s eyes were not afraid. Those eyes were in pain. Those eyes had been haunting him for the last two years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! So, I have reached a point where I was not satisfied with what I was writing for this chapter. So, I decided to cut it short and post what I had already. This is a lot shorter than I initially planed it to be.  
> And as you can see, I'm starting to change a lot of things now. From now on, things happen a lot differently from the movies/books. I will still use somethings from canon, but others will change.  
> One thing that I changed completely from the beginning was time, and that will keep on changing. They are older and things are not going to happen in a hurry. I hope you don't hate me for that.
> 
> Hope you liked, and, as usual, you can find me on Tumblr.


	7. 17

Thomas decided he needed to walk. He had been antsy all day and sitting around a bonfire was not helping. The first thing he did when he was finally alone was force himself to take a few deep breaths. He could feel the panic rising on his chest, fighting to overcome him. The last time he had a panic attack was when he was a child. He didn’t know how he knew that, but he did, and it only served to panic him more.

It took him at least twenty minutes before he felt steady enough to go back to the bonfire at the middle of the glade. _Glade_ , that was a weird word to describe the place, yet it felt right on his head, like he had been using it forever.

The day had been overwhelming, from waking up in a moving box to meeting everyone and finding out that there was no way out of there.

_We are working on it_ , the blonde, Newt, had said. And Thomas believed him, he really did. But he honestly didn’t think they had made any progress. And that was not reassuring. According to the other guy who helped him out the box, Alby, they had been trying for three years.

Three years and they were still there. Three years and they had to yet find a way out of that place.

Thomas slowly made his way back to the bonfire, sitting close enough that he could watch everyone interacting and far away enough that everyone should realise that he didn’t want to interact with them.

Newt, though, either didn’t care that Thomas wanted to be left alone or he honestly didn’t realise it.

“What are you doing here all alone, greenie?” Newt asked sitting beside him, a smile playing on his lips. Thomas had yet to see Newt without a smile. It was incredible the way the blond could keep smiling even though he had been stuck at this place for so long.

“Just thinking about the glade”, he replied. And it was true enough. He has been thinking, just not about the glade exactly, but more about how to get the hell out of there.

“It’s okay, we’ve all been there, ya’know?” Newt said, turning to look at Thomas “We’ve all been in the box, and all have been a greenie one day. You will get used to it and you’ll be fine”, he completed and his voice sounded hopeful, like he wanted Thomas to be happy, even though he didn’t know Thomas at all.

“What if I don’t want to get used to it?” Thomas asked and Newt looked at him again, eyes burning into Thomas’.

“We don’t have a choice. We either get used to it or we become a burden to others”, Newt replied and Thomas took a deep breath.

“I don’t want to get used to this, I want out. And getting used to the glade means not working hard enough”, was Thomas answer before he stood up to leave. Newt was faster though and grabbed his arm, stopping Thomas’ departure.

“Getting used to this means surviving. And you need to be alive to get out”, Newt said before letting go of Thomas.

 

___________________

 

“He doesn’t know who I am”, was the first thing out of Newt mouth when he sat at the table between Minho and Alby, the morning after the greenie arrived. Minho looked at him with confusion in his eyes before returning to his food and Newt sighed.

“The greenie. He doesn’t know me”, Newt explained and Minho turned his head so fast it must have hurt.

“The greenie is the mysterious dream person?” he asked, voice too high for Newt’s liking.

“Want to scream a little more? The bloody grievers haven’t heard it yet”, Newt grumbled and Minho felt a little bit guilty.

“How do you even know this? You’ve always said that you never saw their face. How you do know it’s him?”  Minho asked curios, meal forgotten.

“His eyes. I can’t explain, Min, but his eyes. It is him. I know it.” He replied and Minho nodded. Alby was silently watching them talk, not voicing his own opinion.

“Give him some time, then. Maybe he is too scared right now”, Minho suggested, “Don’t you agree, Alby?”

“I think that he needs to adjust to the glade, and you saying that you have been dreaming about him for the past two years is not going to help. I can’t say I understand, because I don’t, but as much as I believe you, there’s no way you can know for sure that he really is this person. He just came yesterday. Give it some time, get to know him, and be sure of what you want before saying anything. Be sure you like him for him, and not because of some faceless dream”, Alby said and Newt wanted to scream at him that he didn’t know what he was talking about. That he had never had the dreams. That there was no way he could be wrong. But he knew, deep down, that Alby was right.

As much as he wanted to run to Thomas and simply grab him and never let go, he knew that couldn’t do that. He would just end up scaring the boy if he didn’t really remember him.

Yet, it didn’t hurt any less to know that the person he had been dreaming about –the person he _loved_ \- was so close and so far away at the same time.

“I gotta go. But cheer up Newt. Even if he doesn’t remember you, at least you know he is alive and well. That gotta be better than being in the dark, right?” Minho said, standing up from the table.

“Guess so”, Newt mumbled, playing with his food instead of eating it.

“Go talk to him, show him around, help him out. Become his friend, it’s a start”, Alby said pushing him from the table and Newt was about to complain about being clearly dismissed when he saw Thomas sitting by himself, back against a tree and a thoughtful expression.

“Yeah, okay”, he said before leaving Alby smiling to himself. Newt was so socially awkward sometimes that Alby frequently asked how the hell he managed to be the person everyone turned to when they needed.

 

___________________

 

It had been a week since he arrived at the glade, and Thomas was restless. None of the jobs could take his mind of what Newt had shown him on hi third morning at the glade. _Grievers_. Whatever that was. They looked frightening. And yet, he couldn’t wait to finally, finally go out into the maze and see the whole thing for himself.

But Newt had said that he couldn’t. Only runners were allowed on the maze, and; _no way you’re going in there with only a week, greenie._

And Thomas got it, okay. He did. Newt was concerned about him. But he wasn’t a five year old who needed a chaperone. He wouldn’t break if left alone for a few minutes.

It was annoying, really, how Newt was _everywhere_ Thomas went, but he couldn’t help the warmth that spread through him every time he saw the blonde’s smile. His whole face light up and he radiated happiness. It was incredible.

And Thomas got addicted to that sweet smile in only a few days, being unable to avoid smiling back. And that only served to encourage Newt to get closer to him. As annoying as it was that the blond was always so worried about him, it was worth it putting up with him if Thomas would get to see that smile and his eyes shinning with happiness.

He couldn’t say why Newt liked him so much, but he wasn’t going to complain about it. He would enjoy his friendship as much as he could, and when the time came, he would make damn sure that Newt was the first one to get out of that place safe and in one piece. He promised himself that much; if he could save only one person, it would be Newt.

Because Newt didn’t belong at somewhere as dark as this fucked up place they were trapped in. Newt deserved freedom, and he could do so much good for so many people. Of that much, Thomas was sure.

So yeah, he would do his damn best to get the blond out of there. And if he was starting to develop feelings for his friend, it was his business only. He couldn’t understand why he seemed so hooked on somewhere after only knowing them for only a week, but it didn’t matter anyway, because Newt was worth having feeling for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hello (:  
> I'm sorry for taking so long, and for coming back with such a short chapter.  
> I swear to God I am gonna try and compensate in the next chapters.  
> So, anyway, I wrote this chapter listening to Boyce Avenue's covers.  
> I'll link you guys to the songs I listened to. I don't know if the playlist will be in the same order was I was listening to, but it really helped me set the mood, haha. I swear to God that I put it in shuffle.
> 
>  
> 
> [ All of Me – John Legend ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iYUQW6RovY&index=16&list=PL0BD69368AB943C89)  
>  [ Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall - Coldplay ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3XKvxWIpaI&index=64&list=PL0BD69368AB943C89)  
>  [ Ho Hey – The Lumineers ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSymz3oAq-Y&index=27&list=PL0BD69368AB943C89)  
>  [ Perfect – Pink ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eX7nMCRSqJU&index=70&list=PL0BD69368AB943C89%20)  
>  [ Just The Way You Are – Bruno Mars ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhFSgnvKqm4&list=PL0BD69368AB943C89&index=75)
> 
> Let me know what you think of the chapter.  
> And as always, you can find me on [Tumblr](clauxx.tumblr.com)


	8. 17 1/2

Becoming friends with Newt was no hardship; they just seemed to work together. And within a few weeks Thomas knew all of Newt’s tells. He knew when the blond needed to be alone, and when he needed Thomas to fill in the silence. He knew when Newt just needed to talk, about everything and nothing at all, so he would shut up and listen.

And yet, there was so much to learn about Newt. It felt like going home after a long time away: he knew where everything was, but so much had changed that he needed to learn his way around all over again.

He once asked about Newt’s leg, and that led to a panicked Newt and a few screams from other gladers telling him to just _shut up, greenie._ And it took him a few months to learn what had happened, and only because Chuck told him, after he, once again, said something to remind Newt of the accident.

It had been six months already, and he still felt like it was his first day sometimes. The gladers still called him greenie, mostly because no one had arrived after him.

And that had been another situation he had to learn how to deal with. When, one month after he arrived, the box came up with all the supplies requested and no one knew, everyone turned against Thomas.

That was when the rumours started. Some gladers accused Thomas of being a spy for _them._ Others thought that he was like a messiah. And he couldn’t decide which one of those was worst.

To make matter even worst he had started dreaming with a brunet girl, who would keep on said that they were almost done, and that everything would be all right. And that scared him, because it could mean that the gladers were right and Thomas was being used as a spy.

He had tried, once, to talk to Newt about it, because he had heard the stories of the mysterious dream person Newt dreamed about, but that had been almost worst than asking about his injury. Newt avoided him for over a week, keeping by Alby’s side all the time, even sharing a bed. And Thomas couldn’t avoid the pang of jealousy the first time he saw them cuddling.

“You have been awfully quiet today, Tommy”, Newt said, startling Thomas out of his thoughts.

“Just thinking”, he replied.

“What about?”

“A lot of things”, Thomas said, and Newt sighed beside him.

“C’mon Tommy. Don’t make it difficult. You know you can talk to me”, Newt said, bumping their shoulders together and resting a hand on Thomas arms. The brunet just looked at his friend, and the openness and concern he found on Newt’s eyes made his spill everything.

“I’ve been thinking about not being able to do anything to become a runner, and about what the guys say about me, and I’m scared it is true because of these dreams I have been having”, and as soon as the last words were out of his mouth, he felt Newt tense up beside him, making him want to punch himself in the face. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything”, he said, holding on to Newt’s hand, afraid the blonde would get up and leave.

“I’m sorry I can’t help you”, Newt said and Thomas couldn’t help but be a little bit hurt that Newt didn’t trust him enough to open up about his dreams.

And they stayed like that, letting the silence fall between them. They must have been like that for hours, because night fell around them and neither moved. The only sound they could hear was their own breathing.

“I think there is something wrong with me”, Thomas whispered, not wanting to break the silence, but not being able to keep it inside any longer.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Tommy”, Newt whispered back and Thomas had to hold back tears, and he didn’t even know why.

“I wish I could get us out of here. I wish I could get you out of here. You deserve better than this place”, he whispered again and this time he felt Newt moving beside him, but he couldn’t find it in himself to look at him.

“You will get us out of here. I know you will”, Newt said, and his voiced was loud in the clearing around them, and Thomas just closed his eyes, his mind repeating the same words it had been saying for the last six months, _I will get you out of there, I promise_.

 

___________________

 

A week after Thomas blurted everything out to Newt a new box arrived. Thomas was out in the wood enjoying the little break he got from working and the company of the other gladers, who were becoming more vicious and less subtle on their accusations.

He was getting honestly tired of defending himself against theories that the gladers would come up with during the boredom of dinner. They had gone from ‘there is something wrong with Thomas arrival’ to ‘he is trying to turn Newt against Alby, don’t you see it? He is by Newt’s side all the time, trying to ruin his friendship with Alby, look at them talking alone’. And while he could understand their fears, he was tired of watching every step, every word and every breath he took.

And obviously that’s when everything went wrong. As soon as he heard the siren announcing the arrival of the box, he ventured out of the woods and by the time he got to the pit, they had opened it already and he could hear the guys talking ‘ _there’s someone new’_. Thomas breathed in relieve, because now they would _finally_ stop talking about him, only when he got closer to the opening he could see that something was definitely nor right.

Inside the box, lying unconscious beside a kneeling Newt was a _girl_. And if that was not enough to make his stomach upset, as soon as he got close enough to actually see her, to recognize her as the same one who he had been dreaming about, her eyes opened, locking on his.

“Thomas”, she whispered, but it reverberated around the glade as loud as if she had screamed it, before her eyes rolled back and she was once again unconscious.

Thomas could feel everyone’s eyes on him, but none hurt more than Newt’s, who was staring at him in disbelief and hurt, as if asking him how he could betray him that bad.

And Thomas did what he knew best; he ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! I am back with a new chapter for you guys! I am so sorry it took me this long to update (again). I promise you all that I am doing my best to keep writing this story.  
> On a happier note, thought, I have the next two chapter already finished, so the next update won't take so long.  
> I want to thank you all who keep reading this and who has not given up on me yet. You all mean a lot to me.
> 
> And I just gotta say that from now on things are going to go a lot different from the books -and movie-, mostly regarding the timeline. Because it always bothered me a little bit that everything on the books happened to fast and I wanted to explore a little bit of slow burn, not only relationship wise, but the way the character react to things and how they deal with it.  
> So, I hope you like it.  
> As always, you can find me on Tumblr and kudos and comments (including constructive criticism) are always welcome


	9. One Week Later

Newt wanted to scream and cry and just punch something. He just wanted to be able to _breath_ again.

It had been a week since Newt had had the breath punched out of him. It had been a week since that sweet, beautiful voice called out to Thomas. It had been a week since Teresa arrived. It had been a week since Newt started sleeping alone, near the woods, because he would cry himself to exhaustion.

On the second day, Minho had jokingly told him to stop being a heart broken puppy and to get over it already. But it was so much more than just an unrequired love. Newt was angry and heart broken. Newt had _trusted_ Tommy –no, not Tommy, Thomas- and defended him against the gladers. And in the end, Thomas was probably everything the gladers had said he was.

Newt had had to watch Thomas and Teresa grow together, and sneak out during the days to have talks. Newt had, more than once, stumbled on both of them, sitting across each other, staring into one another’s eyes in complete silence and with so much emotion on their faces that Newt had to hold back the urge to puke.

He wanted to believe that Thomas was a good person so bad, he really did, but every time his eyes landed on Teresa he would be reminded of the warning way she had said Thomas name and his faith would come crumbling down on him. How could he have been so wrong about Thomas?

And suddenly all those dreams he had about Thomas turning into nightmares, were the brunettes voice would become cold while telling in that he was nothing more than a plot on their plan. Nightmares were he was forced to watch was Thomas swore his love to Teresa, in hushed whispers. Nightmares where both newcomers were talking about how to use Newt for their plan, and then laughing when Thomas would say _he thinks I love him_.

And every time he had to put on a smile and pretend to Thomas that nothing was wrong was like a knife being lodged in his heart. Every time that Thomas looked at him and smiled at sweet, innocent smile that he had come to love and cherish was like someone was twisting the knife, just to see him bleed a little bit more.

And Newt did his best to try and keep the appearances, but there were times that he just couldn’t bear being around the brunette and he knew that Thomas knew about what Newt was feeling. He could see in Thomas eyes, sometimes, that the younger one knew that Newt just didn’t trust him the way he did one week before.

 

___________________

In the span of a week, the little Thomas knew about his life got turned upside down. Teresa’s arrival incited more and more rumours, that he did his best to ignore, pushed Newt away from him and got him thinking about who she was and what his dreams were meant to be.

It was impossible not to get close to her. She _remembered_ him. She knew something about him. She had been haunting his dreams for months now. She wondered, sometimes, if whatever it was that she kept saying on the dreams that was finishing was finished already, or if her arrival was just part of it.

It only took him two conversations and a glare from her for him to blurt everything out. He told her about his dreams, he told her about Newt, he told her about how he felt that her presence was going to make him lose Newt, (and only when he was on verge of sleep he realised how unfair it was to say something like that to her – it was not her fault she was there).

He apologized to her the next day and that was the first time he heard her inside his head, assuring him that it was okay. Thomas stared her in shock and fear. How could she be on his head?

And then she began to explain everything she could remember from before waking up on the glade. She told him about WICKED, about how they are supposed to get everyone out of there, about the instructions that one else could know that she knew who had put them in there, and how they kept saying that this telepathy that they had was important to their success.

He tried to get away, he told her she was crazy or hallucinating and she just held his arm and asked him to try and answer her back. She begged him to believe her and Thomas finally did. Thomas did because she was one of the only who would talk to him right now, he did because he could use a friend.

And after several tries, he finally managed to answer her back without moving his lips or making a sound. It took him almost 24 hours to accomplish that, and when he did it, he couldn’t help the proud feeling that washed over him.

Thomas, are you awake? Teresa asked one night, the moon was high on the sky already, but he couldn’t sleep

Yeah, is there something wrong? He answered her. It was still a strange feeling, but at the same time it felt right to do it. He felt safer talking to her like that.

Just wondering… Do you think that this telepathy meant we were important for each other? She asked and Thomas could _hear_ the unasked questions there. _Do you think we loved each other?_

I don’t know, Tess. Maybe we are siblings? He said back, because it would make sense. It would make more sense than being lovers, at least.

I sometimes remember a girl’s face Teresa said, and Thomas knew that had she been using her voice, it would have been a whisper I think I was in love with her. She completed and Thomas sighed.

If we were anything to each other before, we are not now. You don’t have to worry about me being jealous. But if it helps, I think I was in love with someone else too he said. And it wasn’t 100% true, but Teresa didn’t have to know that. Thomas _thought_ he might have been in love with Newt before here, but he couldn’t remember even knowing the blonde, let alone loving him. Sometimes he thought that maybe it was just wishful thinking, that maybe he was saying to himself that he could have know and loved Newt before because it helped understand why he knew Newt so much and why cared do much and felt such a need to protect him.

Did you ever dream about them? She asked, and Thomas knew that the honest answer was no, because the only person from before the glade that he ever dreamed about was her, but he wasn’t ready to tell her that.

Sometimes. He said and Teresa seemed to finally calm down. You shouldn’t be ashamed for loving someone, Tess. Even if we were, once upon a time, a couple. We are not anymore and you should feel free to love whoever you want to He said, maybe more for himself than for her. He could feel her smile from all the way across the glade.

You too, Tom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to update this today, BUT, I am happy right now because of the TST Premiere, so you guys get a new chapter.   
> Have fun!!! And please, let me know what you think.


	10. That Day

When during breakfast Minho had asked Alby to join in on the maze during the day, Newt was the one left responsible for keeping the glade running. He was also the one in charge of not letting anyone panic. It was rare that Minho asked Alby to help him out on the maze, it usually mean he found something different or something out of place. And judging by the look on his face when he talked to Alby, it wasn’t something good.

So after eating lunch and making sure everyone was doing their jobs and not gossiping about what could be happening out in the maze, Newt took some time for himself. He laid down on the grass, near the woods and let his mind wander. He thought of the last week and how weird it was not talking to Thomas everyday. He thought about the weird way Teresa looked between him and Thomas, like  _ she knew _ . He though about everything he could, except about his two best friends being out into the Maze right now. He didn’t want to thing about it, because he knew that they weren’t there because Minho had miraculously found an exit. So no, he wasn’t going to thing about that at all.

“He misses you, you know?” a voice startled Newt out of his own thoughts and when he looked beside him Teresa had already made herself comfortable on the grass, resting her back against a tree. “Even if he won’t admit it”, she completed.

“And your point is?” he asked, not really in the mood to talk to her. See, it wasn’t that he didn’t like her, because he did. She was funny, fierce, mothered everyone around the glade and wouldn’t back down until she was sure you understood that she was a permanent fixture in their lives now and she therefore a friend they could count on when needed.

He admitted that he was jealous of how close she and Thomas were, of the many times where they seemed to communicate to each other without saying a word. He was jealous because Thomas was supposed to be  _ his _ , Thomas was supposed to love  _ him _ . Not her. And yet, they seemed attached to the hips these days.

“I’m just saying; he misses you. Do with that information what you please”, she answered, not seeming affected at all by his bad mood.

“I miss him too”, he admitted, a few minutes later when the silence became to much for him to deal with.  _ But it hurts to much, _ was what he left unsaid. Teresa, thought, seemed to know him too well already and understood what the meant.

“It is not his fault, you know? He didn’t want this any more than any of you did. And I’m sorry if I made things awkward, but Tom cares about you, a lot” Newt didn’t answer her, because he knew all of that. Of course he knew. But his heart didn’t. His heart was still stuck with the image of Thomas eyes sparkling recognition when he first saw Teresa, they way he had panicked and simply ran away. “If you can’t be his friend anymore, at least be the leader everyone says you were before I got here”, she said, standing up and leaving him alone with his thoughts once again.

Newt stayed like that for a few more minutes and only when one of the gladers came for him did he realise that it was almost afternoon and neither Alby nor Minho had come back.

When the sun started to set, most of the gladers were gathered around the doors. They were all waiting for their leaders to come back and the fear that one of them wouldn’t make it was palpable. They all knew that if Minho couldn’t make it out of the maze they were done. There was no one else who knew the maze as Minho did. There was no one else who could be keeper of the runners as good as Minho did.

And Newt was terrified that he was going to loose them. As blank as his face might be during the whole thing, his heart was bleeding already for his friends. They were the ones who had been there for him when he needed, and he didn’t know what to do without them.

Without thinking, Newt got a hold of Thomas hand, squeezing as hard as he could. Thomas squeezed back, letting him know that he was there, no matter what happened.

At the same time Newt’s eyes registered the image of Minho caring Alby through the maze, his ears registered the sound of the doors starting to close and he felt the air leave his lungs for a second before he started screaming for them to  _ hurry the fuck up, you bloody shanks! _

Around him all the gladers were screaming the same thing, urging both boys to hurry to safety, but the world suddenly went soundless when Newt felt Thomas hands escape his. For a moment there, it felt like everything had stopped, because he couldn’t feel Thomas anymore and his eyes were telling him that Thomas, _ his Tommy _ , was running for Alby and Minho, running into the maze while the door to the glade was closing. Newt saw the exact moment when the doors closed behind Thomas back, because everyone around him stilled.

“Thomas, no”, he heard himself scream before he was held back by two arms around his middle. He tried to get hid of them, but it was useless. Whoever was holding him back was stronger than him and after a few minutes screaming for Thomas to come back, he let himself be dragged away from the door, his heart heavy and the realization that he had just lost the three most important people in his life hitting him hard enough that he couldn’t breath.

He felt his lungs start to burn and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get any air in. His mind replaying the last few minutes over and over again.  _ Dead, _ his mind supplied him,  _ they are dead. Thomas. Alby. Minho. Dead _ .

Dark spots started to dance around his vision and when it overcame him, he welcomed it, because anything was better than remembering that his friends were all dead now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait and for how small this chapter is.  
> I have been dealing with author's block + last year of university.  
> I DID NOT give up on this story and I WILL finish it. I promise it on my entire future that I am not abandoning it. But I can't promise when/how frequently I will be able to uptade it.  
> I really am sorry for all the wait I have been putting you guys through.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a beta, so I'm sorry for any mistakes I've made.


End file.
